


Shattered Silence

by Akiko_Natsuko



Series: Gratsu [14]
Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Death, Established Relationship, Grief/Mourning, Loss, M/M, Sacrifice, Silence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-17 07:20:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,828
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16511777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akiko_Natsuko/pseuds/Akiko_Natsuko
Summary: It's been a year since everything ended, since he lost Gray, since he lost his voice, but time dulls the pain, and sometimes there are words that just need to be spoken aloud.





	Shattered Silence

   Natsu’s steps were slow but steady despite the reluctance pressing in on him as he followed the familiar path up the hill that overlooked Magnolia. He couldn’t yet see the spot that he was heading for, but he could already smell it - the much-loved smell of ice, snow flurries and pine trees teasing his nose, and he felt tears prickling the corners of his eyes. _Gray…_ How many nights had he spent burrowed against the Ice mage? That same scent filling his nose and at some point, he had come to associate that smell with home, and his steps faltered. _Gray…_ Part of him was tempted to turn around and head back to his house, but there the scent had already begun to fade, and with a sniffle, he scrubbed at his face before forcing himself to continue moving forward.

    At least at this time of the morning, he was entirely alone up here. There was no one around to see if he fell apart completely. Whenever he was in the guild or around his Nakama, he did his best to pretend that he was doing okay, that he was managing to slowly move on with his life. And although he knew that his teammates at least weren’t fooled in the slightest, it was an act that he could only let himself drop when he was alone up here. Even now he could feel his mask beginning to slip away, and he did nothing to stop the tears that trickled down his cheeks as he took the last couple of steps up to the summit of the hill.

    His breath caught as it always did as he hit the hilltop just in time to see the rising sun cast its light upon the beautiful ice structure that now dominated the landscape, covering much of the grass in the delicate blue ice that he had always loved. Somewhere deep inside the ice was Zeref, locked away in the ice, his life slowly being leached away and beside him was the book of E.N.D - a book that would never be opened again. His vision was beginning to blur with tears again, and he took a couple more shaky steps forward before collapsing to his knees, his hand trembling as he stretched it out to ghost over the ice. Fearful of touching it even though he knew that even his magic wasn’t capable of putting a mark on this ice.

_Gray…._

_I miss you._ A part of him wished that he could say the words aloud, but his voice had refused to work since the moment he had lost Gray. Even at the funeral he hadn’t been able to say any of the words whirling around in his chest, and he knew that his silence was worrying his friends, but there was nothing he could do and deep down he couldn’t bring himself to care. The only person that mattered…the only person that he wanted to hear his words was gone. _Because of me…_ His tears were falling in a constant stream now as he bowed his head, hands scrabbling at the ground as the familiar weight of guilt crashed down on him. _I’m so sorry Gray…_

_The battle had been at its height, and the two of them had found themselves facing Zeref, separated from the rest of their Nakama by the Dark mage’s forces and Natsu had, had an uneasy feeling as he’d caught the triumphant smirk on Zeref’s face. It was part of the reason he had tried so hard to separate himself from the Ice mage so that he could go into this battle alone, but Gray had refused to let him face the man alone again. What made it worse than all of Natsu’s attempts to tell Gray the truth about his relationship with Zeref, and the fact that he was the very demon that his boyfriend was so desperately determined to destroy had been stubbornly shut down by Gray…_

_It hadn’t remained secret for long though, Zeref attempting to use the point to drive a wedge between them, although it had taken him blasting a deep gash into the edge of the book to convince Gray that was he was saying was the truth…sending Natsu to the floor, clutching desperately at the deep wound in his side that he knew had just taken him out of the fight._

_“I’m sorry…I tri..ed…to tell you.” Natsu had managed to force out weakly when the Ice mage had dropped down beside him, fear written across his face as he frantically fought to stem the bleeding. Gray had paused at his words staring down at him with stormy eyes for a long moment before he glanced away, although his hands never faltered even as more of Natsu’s blood-soaked them._

_“I just didn’t want to hear the words,” Gray whispered as he stared down at his hands for a moment, shuddering as he realised just how much blood the Dragon-slayer was losing. “I’m sorry if I had only listened sooner…”_

_“It’s probably better this way…at least I won’t have the chance to become a monster,” Natsu murmured, startled when Gray’s lips drew back in a snarl, eyes blazing as he met the Dragon-slayer’s gaze once more although his hands were still gentle against his side. Don’t look at me like that…I never wanted to be a monster…so I can’t be mad that it’s ending like this, he thought desperately, but he didn’t say it aloud, knowing that Gray didn’t want to hear that._

_“You could never be a monster,” Gray growled softly, leaning forward and pressing his lips against Natsu’s startling the Fire mage who had been certain that this news would have spelt the end of that part of their relationship…it had been something he had feared from the moment he had learned the truth about who and what he was…it was why he had waited so long to try and tell the Ice mage the truth. But the kiss told him differently, and despite the situation, he found himself melting into it, only to blink when Gray pulled away a moment later with a soft.  “Never…”_

_“Gray?” Natsu’s brief moment of relief that the Ice mage didn’t seem to hate him faded as he took in the determined expression that had appeared on his boyfriend’s face, and he weakly tried to grab him as the dark-haired teen rose to his feet, but Gray easily evaded his searching hand. “Gray what are you…?”_

_“I will make sure of it,” Gray’s voice was fierce, but his eyes softened as he glanced down at Natsu. “I made a promise to stop E.N.D., and I’m going to keep it, and I’m going to make sure that you never become a monster.”_

_“What…?”_

_“Don’t hate me,” Gray whispered, turning on his heel before Natsu could reply and it only took the Dragon-slayer a moment to realise what the idiot was planning, terror racing through him as he watched the Ice mage drop into the stance he had hoped that he would never see again. Desperately he tried to force himself back to his feet. He would rather become a monster than let Gray go through with this, but his legs couldn’t support his weight, and he crashed back to the ground with a sharp cry, but the pain was immediately forgotten as the familiar blue light of Gray’s magic flared in the air around him._

_“GRAY! NO!”_

_“I’m sorry Natsu I have to,” Gray said softly, turning just enough to peer back at him and Natsu felt his breath catch at the emotion he could see in the dark eyes, the next words tearing his heart apart. “I love you. ICED SHELL!”_

_“GRAY! GRRAAAAYYY!”_

    Tears dropped onto his hands, and he sniffled, lifting a hand to his throat as he recalled how he hadn’t been able to do anything but scream the Ice mage’s name over and over. Watching as Gray’s magic swelled and engulfed everything apart from him, and by the time the light had faded it had been over. Zeref and the book were as good as gone, trapped within ice that couldn’t melt without Moon drip and he knew there was no way that the guild would ever allow that to happen, but he couldn’t bring himself to care about that, all he could focus on was the fact that Gray was gone. That he had lost the one person, he had wanted to protect over all others, all because he was a monster…because he hadn’t been strong enough to stop Zeref himself. The pain in his side had been nothing in comparison to the pain in his chest, and he had screamed for the other teen until his throat was raw, eventually passing out from blood loss next to the ice that was all that he had left of his boyfriend.

    That had been a year ago to the day. Somehow he had survived, slowly healing from the wound in his side that had come within an inch of killing him and for the first few months, he wished that it had. Everything had hurt during that time. No matter what he did or where he went he was assailed with memories of the Ice mage, to the point where he had wanted to end it all just to get some peace, just to see Gray again, but he hadn’t been able to go through with it. _How could he?_ The Ice mage had done what he had done just to keep him safe, to give him a life free of Zeref and no matter how much it hurt there was no way he could throw it away, and as much as it hurt to admit, he had slowly begun to find it easier to live. To carry on moving forward, although the pain had never faded completely, and he knew that it never would. But that wasn’t such a bad thing, because it meant that Gray was still here, that his memory wasn’t going to be lost - that his sacrifice had meant something.

_Gray…_

Slowly and with an aching heart, he forced himself to sit up, hands trembling as he did his best to wipe away his tears as he gazed at the ice. It took him a couple of attempts, but he managed to force himself to his feet, one hand briefly moving to rest against his side, feeling the scar hidden beneath his vest as he took a deep breath. _It’s time,_ slowly he moved closer to the ice, hesitating for a moment before leaning forward and pressing his lips against it, closing his eyes as Gray’s face swam through his mind…and finally he spoke, his voice broken and hoarse from a year without use, finally shattering the silence that he had wrapped around himself.

“I-I love…you. Thank…you…”

 


End file.
